A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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