She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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