Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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