when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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