so that wasnt chicken after all
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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