I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
