oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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