I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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