i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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