Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
