I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
