My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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