when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
