the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
