My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
