Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
