He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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