its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
