So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
