I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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