apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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