dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
