what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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