How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
