I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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