He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
