so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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