How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We need to rekindle our bromance
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
