hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
