I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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