I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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