Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
