the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
