Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
