If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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