I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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