You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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