Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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