Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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