all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
