Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
