nut hugger
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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