So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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