I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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