what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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