When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
