is your mom at the bar?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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