I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
