You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
