Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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